My Mother and the Pineapple

Everyone, upon returning from an adventure, has that moment of true realisation that they are once again home and no longer swanning around doing what they like. I feel however that my moment of ‘awakening’ was a little different from that of others.

The dogs had begun their afternoon whinge for a walk protest and so my mum and I had headed off, somewhat reluctantly, to “stretch their doggy paws” (that is my mother’s term, not mine…) and make ourselves feel like we had done a “good deed for the day” (also my mother – I think she should get out more…). As we stomped our way solemnly up and down the various surrounding hills I was vaguely listening to the tales my mum had about what had been happening in the valley while I was away – including her explanations about where frogspawn comes from. I was so engrossed in timing my “I’m listening noises” that I almost missed the story that brought me back to the real world and to the realisation that I am toughly back home.

What caught my interest was that she was practically hopping up and down with excitement and kept saying things like: “Well it was probably just a storm in a tea cup but ooooh….” and “It was ever so exciting…”. She had me intrigued so – after puffing herself up with pride in order to embark this great tale of woe in which she felt she played a crucial role – she started her story.

As far as I can understand the main characters are a bench, a cross bow, an elderly couple, my mother, a Yam and a pineapple…

I couldn’t wait to hear how this would unfold… unfortunately, I’d forgotten we live in a tiny village… in the middle of nowhere…. Where nothing ever happens….

From what I can gather my mum went on a walk one day and found that someone had moved the bench. Mummy Sherlock didn’t like this so decided to investigate only to find that the culprit had left behind a yam and a pineapple. Thoroughly perturbed she grumbles her way home in order to inform my dad of these strange goings on… he’ll look later…



The scene of a crime most foul!


The next day an anxious elderly couple knock on the door to say that there have been some strange goings on in the wood. Someone had shot the unsuspecting bench at the top of the hill with a crossbow and the villain in question had left the arrow right so deeply embedded in the wood that no one could remove it. The police were called and my mum assists them in their search…

This was where her story ended… they never solved it and I believe mum was a little disappointed when all I wanted to know was why was there a Pineapple. Apparently, this was the wrong response.